Ranking AGT Semifinalists

I'm tired of all the pestering e-mails and calls demanding my updated rankings for the America's Got Talent semifinalists. So fine. Here they are.

(JK - I might be the only person on the face of the earth who takes time to rank everyone on AGT)

This updates my previous rankings to include the eight who made it through the YouTube and Wildcard shows, along with comments.

24. Kevin Colis, singer. America's Got Desperate. . .for a white male pop singer. Because I didn't think he was that good.
23. Steven Retchless, pole dancer.
22. Landon Swank, magician. Sigh. I guess Wildcard show is a good idea, but on the other hand, America already passed on you once. . .
21. Daniel Joseph Baker, singer.
20. Miami All-Stars, dance team.
19. Matt Wilhelm, bike stunts. The "headliner" from the YouTube show. The judges were practically ready to call the entire compeition for Wilhelm. But it didn't look good on television, because he was doing it in the dark. All you have to do to impress the judges is turn out the lights and do something while glowing in the dark. They'll be eating out of your hand.
18. Smage Bros Riding Shows, dirt bike stunts.
17. Beth Ann Robinson, dancer. She's from the YouTube show also. You can't be too hard on her because she's 14 and very talented, but her act just doesn't scream "superstar" to me.
16. Poplyfe, musical group.
15. Fatally Unique, dance team.
14. The Kinetic King, kinetic artist. Somehow he's back from the dead, making it through on the Wildcard show.
13. Team iLuminate, glow-in-the-dark dance team.
12. Zuma Zuma, gymnasts/contortionists.
11. West Springfield Dance Team. They needed to appear on both the YouTube and Wildcard shows, but they somehow squeezed into the semis.
10. Summerwind Skippers, rope jumpers. My highest ranked act from the Wildcard show.
9. Snap Boogie, breakdancer.
8. Lys Agnes, singer.
7. Silhouettes, shadow artists.
6. Gymkana, gymnasts. I thought they were the highlight of the YouTube show, not Mr. Glow Bike. We'll see how well they maintain this high ranking, since they have only performed once - not three or four times like many of the others.
5. Landau Eugene Murphy Jr.
4. Professor Splash.
3. Melissa Villasenor.
2. Sandau Trio Russian Bar.
1. Anna Graceman.

And yes, I am super excited for this week's show, especially now that we have separated the contenders from the pretenders (with a couple of exceptions).