Audacity of Crap

I don't plan on voting for Obama. I never did - although I'm sort of glad he beat Hillary. I roll my eyes at the e-mail forwards that say he is the anti-Christ or that he is ineligible to be president, but I'm not a fan. It seems like his whole candidacy is based on hype. Just what does he plan to do to "change" America?

I'm not really qualified to speak on how to fix health care. That's a tough nut to crack. Does it even need fixing? I'm not sure.

But I did do some reading on his tax policy because I feel somewhat qualified. I don't claim to be an expert but I do have prepared a few hundred tax returns in my day, so I have been in the trenches with "working class" America, helping them file tax returns - so naturally, I have opinions.

Obama wants to create a new tax credit of $500 to $1000, to offset the cost of payroll taxes for working class Americans. Yes, I know everyone hates having that 7.65% withheld from their checks. But that's part of being employed. What I don't understand is that Obama is also against privatizing Social Security. And yet he wants "working class" Americans not to be burdened with funding the program. Last I checked, weren't they trying to figure out a way to get MORE money into Social Security?

He wants to provide a universal homeowners credit to filers who don't itemize their deductions. Hey, Obama, we already have that. It's called the STANDARD DEDUCTION. Besides, I've done hundreds of tax returns for "working class" Americans, and the number of homeowners who are unable to itemize their deductions are few. It consists mostly of people who are close to paying off their mortgage or have already done so.

He also plans on eliminating the income tax for senior citizens earning less than $50,000. Social security income is already nontaxable for most seniors - partially taxable for those who have significant income apart from Social Security. Seniors who are generating enough income from pensions, interest, and dividends to require them to pay income tax - I think they probably have enough in the bank to get them by. I don't think eliminating income taxes for these folks is going to help anything or anybody - although it will probably win a few votes, which is the whole point, right?

He wants the IRS to send out pre-filled 1040s already containing income information for the taxpayer to verify. This eliminates the need for "working class" Americans to hire a tax preparer. (This actually eliminates jobs, Barack. Should we count this against your plan to add 5 million new jobs?) I'm also unsure how this fits in with the IRS goal of getting more Americans to e-file.

Of course, he wants to raise the tax on capital gains and dividends, because rich people need to pay more taxes. Maybe so. But some of the returns I've prepared for some of our clients scare me. Paying six figures - in federal income tax? Ouch. That has to hurt. And I'm sure there are those who pay seven, eight, nine figures. Obama taxing more heavily the people who create jobs seems like a curious way to add 5 million jobs.

My main point is that it is nice of Obama to want to ease our tax burden - but there isn't really much of a burden to ease. I am among these "working class" Americans that he speaks of - I make a good salary at a full-time job with a public accounting firm, but I'm not well off by any means. My wife doesn't work outside the home, and we have three children.

How much did I pay in federal income tax last year?

Zero dollars and zero cents.

B.O. stinks.

All-Time Broncos Team

This is a list I've been thinking about for some time, and with a brand-new season of Broncos football upon us, I thought it was the right time to unveil my All-Time All-Broncos Team. Every player from 1960 to now was eligible. Eleven offensive players, eleven defensive players, and three special teamers.

QB – John Elway (1983-98). That was easy.

RB - Terrell Davis (1995-02) and Floyd Little (1967-75). That was easy, too.

WR – Rod Smith (1995-06) and Lionel Taylor (1960-66). The initial instinct was to go with Ed McCaffrey or Vance Johnson, but the right choice is Taylor, who piled up big numbers when the Broncos were bad, and is still third on the Broncos all-time list for receptions and receiving yards.

TE – Shannon Sharpe (1990-99, 2002-03). He’ll go into the Hall of Fame next summer.

T – Gary Zimmerman (1993-97) and Ken Lanier (1981-92, 1994). Zimmerman’s an easy choice – he went into the Hall of Fame this month. Lanier gets the nod for his longevity, edging out Matt Lepsis and Tony Jones.

G- Keith Bishop (1980-89) and Mark Schlereth (1995-00). It’s hard to pick offensive linemen – no stats to compare. Bishop was the first Broncos lineman to be selected to the Pro Bowl (1986 & 1987) and Schlereth started for both Super Bowl teams.

C – Tom Nalen (1994-now ). The only active offensive player to make the team.

And now for the defense. . . I guess the first order of business is to decide if the All-Time Bronco team would play in a 3-4 or a 4-3 alignment. I decided on a 3-4, mostly because the Broncos have more linebackers to choose from.

DE – Rich Jackson (1967-72) and Rulon Jones (1980-88). The Broncos need some guys like these now.

DT – Trevor Pryce (1997-05). I couldn’t choose between Paul Smith and Rubin Carter, and ultimately decided to go with Pryce instead, although he did play both end and tackle.

OLB - Tom Jackson (1973-86) and Simon Fletcher (1985-95). Fletcher is the Broncos all-time sack leader with 97.5, but was never selected to a Pro Bowl, so he finally gets an honor.

ILB – Randy Gradishar (1974-83) and Karl Mecklenburg (1983-94). Both should be in Hall of Fame, but neither is or probably will be selected by the biased Hall committee.

CB – Louis Wright (1975-86) and Champ Bailey (2004-now). Bailey is the only active defensive player to make the team, and the shortest tenured.

S – Steve Atwater (1989-98) and Billy Thompson (1969-81). The Bronco have had a lot of good safeties: Goose Gonsulin, Steve Foley, Dennis Smith. But Atwater and Thompson were the two best.

And the specialists. . .

K – Jason Elam (1993-07). Who did you expect, Rich Karlis?

P – Tom Rouen (1993-02). The Broncos have had trouble with the punter spot since he left.

KR/PR – Rick Upchurch (1975-83). Some wonder why he isn't in the Broncos' Ring of Fame.

Becky Gets Bronze

Russia's Rebekka Linn Hammon (L) celebrates with assitant coach Boris Sokolovskiy after winning the women's basketball bronze medal match China against Russia of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games against Russia on August 23, 2008 at the Olympic basketball Arena in Beijing. Russia won 94-81. (ANTONIO SCORZA/AFP/Getty Images)

Becky Hammon played for Russia in the Olympics. And the world didn't come to an end. This post is mostly an update - I already expressed my feelings on the matter in a June post entitled "Tough Choices."

Everything played out pretty much as expected. Team USA won gold and Australia received the silver. Becky Hammon and her Russia teammates beat out the host Chinese for the bronze medal. Russia was 6-2 overall in the Olympics, losing only to Australia and the United States.

Hammon shot 54% from the field in the Olympics, including 50% from three-point range. She made 15 of 16 free throws and averaged 13 points per game. Surprisingly, her worst game came against the US in the semifinals when she scored just 3 points. Her best game was against the Chinese in the bronze medal match when she scored 22 points, handed out 4 assists, and made 4 of 6 three-pointers.

More Medals

To celebrate the conclusion of the 2008 summer games, I have a few medals of my own to hand out.

OBNOXIOUS NBC COMMENTATOR
Gold - Tim Daggett, gymnastics. I expect him to repeat in 2012.
Silver - Cynthia Potter, diving.
Bronze - Rowdy Gaines, swimming. We like Rowdy - but wow - what a fitting name.

BOB COSTAS HEIR APPARENT
Gold - Bob Costas.
Silver - Bela Karolyi. I'm convinced that Bob was training him.
Bronze - Jim McKay? I know he's passed on, but we don't have to worry, since Bob doesn't age.

WEIREST OLYMPIC RITUAL
Gold - Divers taking 15-second showers
Silver - Track medalists draping themselves with flags
Bronze - That single-file march that gymnasts do before & after competitions

CUTEST OLYMPIAN
Gold - Shawn Johnson, US gymanstics
Silver - Shelly Ann Fraser, Jamaica 100 meter gold medalist
Bronze - Jonathan Horton, US gymanstics

MOST OVERDONE OLYMPIC CONTROVERSY
Gold - Usain Bolt's showboating. If you're from Jamaica and those are the only medals your country is going to win, I say you can get away with just about anything.
Silver - Chinese under-16 gymnasts. Really, who cares? If they take them out of their homes as toddlers to train, it's not like they have much else going on in life.
Bronze - The time-reducing swimwear. I love how swimmers are so worried about how to shave another one-hundredth of a second of their time, but the sprinters have all these sunglasses and bling that they run with.

BEST OLYMPIC UNDERDOG
Gold - The white sprinters from Russia or Europe. They try SO hard.
Silver - The swimmers in lanes 1 & 8.
Bronze - Female gymnasts not from USA or China.

MOST ANNOYING NBC HABIT
Gold - Interviewing Michael Phelps at every possible moment
Silver - Showing Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin as they warm up or stand around instead of showing other gymnasts compete
Bronze - (On behalf of my wife) Showing close-ups of gymnasts as they sprint down to do the vault

SPORTS I WATCHED THE MOST (because that was pretty much all they showed)
Gold - Gymnastics
Silver - Swimming
Bronze - Track

SPORTS I WOULD HAVE WATCHED MORE OF (if I had more time and more TV channels)
Gold - Volleyball
Silver - Tennis
Bronze - Basketball

SPORTS THAT WOULD BE FUNNER TO SEE THAN BOB COSTAS INTERVIEWING PEOPLE
Gold - Table tennis
Silver - Water Polo
Bronze - Badminton

SKIMPIEST OUTFITS
Gold - Men's diving
Silver - Women's beach volleyball
Bronze - Women's track

LEAST SKIMPY OUTFITS
Gold - Fencing
Silver - BMX Racing
Bronze - Baseball

MOST MEMORABLE OLYMPIC MOMENT
Gold - Jason Lezak coming from behind to beat the cocky Frenchman to win gold for the USA in the 4x100 swim
Silver - Thinned-out US Men's gymnastics team winning a bronze medal.
Bronze - Usain Bolt winning the 200 meter run - easily.

MOST ANTICLIMACTIC OLYMPIC MOMENT
Gold - Michael Phelps winning gold after gold after gold.
Silver - Kerri Walsh and Misty May winning gold in beach volleyball - again.
Bronze - The "Redeem Team" winning gold - as they should.

BEST NAMES
Gold - Libby Trickett, Australian swimmer
Silver - Usain Bolt, Jamaican sprinter
Bronze - Natasha Kai, US soccer

So that's about it. The scope of this exercise was somewhat limited giving that I didn't see much Olympics outside of the holy trinity of gymnastics, swimming, and track. But it was fun to do anyways.

Flags Everywhere

LaShawn Merritt, Flag Draper (AP Photo)

The thing that kills me about track at the Olympics is all the flags. Whenever someone finishes a race in medal position, one of the first things they do is run over to the edge of the track and someone tosses them a folded up flag which they immediately unfold and drape over themselves. Who started that tradition? How many flags does the US bring to the Olympics? What do they do with the flags when they're done? Fold them back up and save for 2012? Donate them to charity? Keep them as souvenirs? Hey, here's my gold medal and here's my nation's flag which I wrapped up in when I was all sweaty after the race. . .

And why is it just track? Could you imagine Mike Phelps winning a race and immediately hopping out of the pool, tossing his goggles aside while striding over to grab a flag to wrap around his wet body before his 173rd interview with Andrea Kramer? Or Shawn Johnson finishing her beam routine and when she sees her score and determines she will probably medal, having her coach fish a fresh flag out of a box? Or an NBA star, draping a flag over his warmup to hide the logo of the competing sneaker company? Okay, maybe that one.

Luck of the Draw

What's the best way to find a competent professional to assist you?

Most people say that you should get referrals from friends or neighbors. That's tough when moving to a new place and you don't know all that many people. We've been living in the Denver area for almost two years and have had some trouble finding doctors we are happy with.

We totally scored on a pediatrician in North Carolina. Pretty much our approach was 1) no foreign-sounding names and 2) no mega-practices. We were on Harris Teeter health insurance at the time, which wasn't exactly the best, but found a pediatrician that we were totally pleased with on the first try.

We needed a pediatrician when we moved back to the Rocky Mountains. My sister-in-law has kids, so she would have been happy to recommend one to us. Only they're on Kaiser Permanente and we're not - so that approach didn't work. So we tried looking one up in the insurance book and went a couple of times. I personally didn't meet the doctor, but Elizabeth was not impressed and decided she wouldn't be going back. So we've been dragging our feet on finding another one and little Russ is five months past his well baby visit.

We've typically tried to avoid the mega-pratices, where they have like ten doctors and whoever doesn't have anything better to do is the one that sees you. But with no better options in "the book", Elizabeth tried calling one. They were currently taking appointments for October. Really, ten doctors and the soonest you can get us in is two months down the road? We wound up getting an appointment with a smaller practice - two doctors - and we'll see how that works out.

And then there's the OB/GYN situation. Elizabeth's on her fifth pregnancy and has seen about a hundred doctors over that time. The only one she really liked that much was the first one. When we moved here, she asked a friend for a referral, but it quickly became evident this wouldn't be a long-lasting relationship. I went to one of the early appointments and it was. . . tense. The doctor is pretty much, "We're going to do this my way because I'm the one treating you," and Elizabeth is all, "You can kiss my butt." They have some very different ideas on what should go down and the doctor has below-average communication skills.

So my advice was to find another one. Most of my co-workers also felt that she should bail if she didn't like the doctor. So we're back to square one - how do you find a good doctor? My co-worker recommended one but Elizabeth nixed it due to their advertised willingness to perform abortions. There are hundreds of OBGYNs in the metro area. Who has time to sort through all the rubbish to find the one you can get along with? The referral method didn't work the first time around. So she's still going to the doctor she doesn't like and they are still having disagreements and Elizabeth is angry when she gets home from those appointments. And the baby's due in three and a half months. We might be stuck.

But when we needed a realtor, we pretty much went with the first one we had any contact with. And he did a great job. We were totally satisfied with him.

I guess the main point of this is that it seems to be pretty much the luck of the draw when it comes to choosing a professional. Sure, you'd love to interview 10 or 12 and pick the best one, but who has the time for that? And what doctor would put up with that?

Now if I could just find a decent accountant. . .

Deceived!

Okay, so a couple of nights ago I wrote about how exciting it was to watch the Olympics live and that it made up for staying up too late.

Well, tonight I figured out that I was deceived by NBC.

Bob Costas was setting up the events for the evening and mentioned that Michael Phelps would be swimming at 10:45 Eastern time. I looked at my clock and discovered it was currently 8:50 - which would be 10:50 Eastern Time. Hmmm. . .

I also saw on espn.com a link - Soni wins 200 breasts. I can only assume that was a typo. . . right? But that's beside the point. Probably a half hour after I saw that news we watched on TV as Rebecca Soni of the US prepared to race in the 200 meter breaststroke final - which of course, she won.

It clearly says "LIVE" in the top right-hand corner of my television. And yet it hasn't been. I should have known better. This all goes back to the way the networks schedule in prime time - there's only an hour difference between Eastern and Mountain TV schedules. For example, if Survivor is broadcast at 8 PM Eastern, it is simultaneously broadcast in the Central Time Zone (only it is 7 PM there). In order for Survivor to be on at 7 PM Mountain, it has to run an hour later than Eastern/Central.

For some reason I thought it would be different for the Olympics. I was wrong. I guess that's fine but I feel kind of ripped off.

Ugh! Too Late!

Last night after watching the USA win three swimming golds in a row (Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin, Aaron Peirsol), I was ready to call it a night. There didn't seem to be anything else really going on, my eyes were tired, and it was 10 PM.

Then I started watching men's gymnastics, where Team USA was giving the host Chinese a run for their money. And before I knew it, I was sucked in. Could they indeed pull off an unexpected medal finish? And so I stayed up until 11:45 to see them win bronze. And as a result, I was very tired this afternoon and not sure how late Olympic watching will go on tonight.

I've never watched much men's gymnastics - I suppose because the U.S. really hasn't been a contender. (No medals in the 1988, 1992, 1996, or 2000 Olympics.) But the stuff some of these guys can do is sick. They also seem to have a little better handle on their nerves than their female counterparts. Not that anyone goes to the Olympics with more pressure on them than the women's gymnastics team, but I'm just saying.

The best men's events are the high bar, the pommel, and the rings (in that order). The parallel bars look mostly like they hurt, the vault is kind of blah no matter the gender of the performer, and men's floor exercise is painful to watch.

The reason for the late night was that the event was "live" from Beijing, which was another thing that sold me on staying up. I really like the idea of live action for the Olympics. They have to show you what is happening right then and you can watch the drama unfold. I don't like stuff taped and edited and packaged up so that NBC can manipulate the drama - besides, you probably already saw the result on the internet earlier in the day.

My main point is that staying up late is well worth it if I get to see the event live.

Olympics Underway!

I think since the Olympics are only on every four years, it should be two-week national holiday and everyone should stay home and watch water polo and cycling all day. So far we have been enjoying the first couple of days of the Olympics. A few thoughts:

I'm not a big fan of Bob Costas, but I have to admit that it wouldn't seem like the Olympics without him sitting in the studio grinning like the Cheshire Cat. At least he tones it down a bit from his Winter Olympics act, when he sits by the fire in an Alpine lodge sipping hot cocoa and wearing a smoking jacket. It seems to me that Bob doesn't really age - he looks the same now as he did in 1986.

Some people don't like the little featurettes that are inserted into the Olympic coverage. Sometimes they're a bit overdone, but sometimes necessary to give a little background on some of the foreign athletes. The annoying part of the coverage for me is when Bob spends like an hour every night talking to people in the studio. Personally, I don't need to see a nightly interview with Bela Karolyi, who is basically unintelligible anyways. And I'm not any more enriched having witnessed the chat between Costas and the US sabre team. Come on! There's so many sports to watch! Baseball! Table tennis! Basketball! Water polo! Volleyball! And if those don't work, I'm sure there has got to be a swimming heat that hasn't been televised (although I doubt it).

We enjoyed the gymnastics coverage last night from Tim "Thundercloud" Daggett. With every slight misstep by Team USA, he reacted as if civilization as we know it might come to an end. I almost expected them to cut to a shot of Tim back at the hotel packing the girls' bags for their flight back to the US. Meanwhile, Al Trout Wig (not real spelling, but it should be) was preoccupied with the speculation that some of the Chinese girls might be younger than the required age of 16. Only in gymnastics would someone be accused of cheating for using a team of children.

Swimming commentator Rowdy Gaines had back-to-back bold predictions blow up in his face last night. After proclaiming Italian swimmer Federica Pellegrini to be without peer, she failed to medal in the 400 meter freestyle. And he said more than once that the US would not be able to beat France in the 4 X 100 relay. Which, of course, they did. So far that has been the most exciting event of the Olympics, seeing Jason Lezak catch the trash-talking Frenchman on the final leg of the race and snag the gold for the USA. Afterwards, we mocked the French by rehashing the old Jon Lovitz SNL bit, "I'm Frenchy!"

Bye Bye Mr. Lynch

I never quite warmed up to John Lynch.

He arrived in Denver in 2004, just a couple of years after winning a Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He was successful here and was selected to the Pro Bowl in each of his four seasons with the team, although it is debatable how many of those selections were based on his performance and how many were mainly on reputation. Did anyone from last year's edition of the Bronco defense really deserve to be on a Pro Bowl roster? Hmmmm. . .

He is enormously popular in Colorado. Any self-respecting store carrying Bronco merchandise had a rack full of #47 jerseys. In addition to being a good player, he has a good reputation in the community and superb media skills. Many skeptics (including me) believed that his popularity in Denver had a lot to do with the fact that he's white. He came along just in time to replace Ed McCaffrey in that respect.

Lynch was released by the Broncos last week, less than a week into training camp. He asked out after deciding he couldn't deal with not being on the field for every snap. Apparently the Broncos' plan was to take Lynch out of the game in passing situations. He is almost 37 years old and entering his 16th NFL season, so he is not getting any younger or faster. The Broncos wanted him back for this year, but of course it was on their terms, not his.

And so he took his ball and went home. Whether he plans to retire from pro football or play for another team is unclear at this point.

Getting back to the main point of this article, I never embraced John Lynch because he never seemed like a real Bronco to me. Real Broncos are guys like Rod Smith, Shannon Sharpe, Karl Mecklenburg, Haven Moses, and Floyd Little. Guys who enjoyed their greatest success in Denver. Even if they didn't necessarily spend their entire careers in Denver, they are still identified with the city. I mean, does anyone really remember Shannon Sharpe playing for the Baltimore Ravens?

In my book, Lynch is not anywhere close to those guys, although he is more of a Bronco than say, Tony Dorsett or Jerry Rice. To me, he's just a guy who came to Denver to polish up an already accomplished career. He's kind of like Neil Smith, who spent his entire career slamming John Elway to the turf as a member of the KC Chiefs and then joined the Broncos and won a pair of Super Bowls.

He proved this by walking out on the team - his own ego outweighed what the Broncos needed at that point in time. So maybe he'll go and continue polishing his Hall of Fame resume somewhere else, or maybe he'll retire. I don't really care.

There was some talk about John Lynch possibly being inducted into the Broncos Ring of Fame. The Hall of Fame selection committee can do as they please - they're clueless anyways. But I hope that Pat Bowlen never decides that Lynch needs to be in the Ring of Fame. HE DOES NOT BELONG THERE.

Obviously, I've never met the guy. I'm sure he's great and I'd probably fall in love with him like every other Bronco fan if I did. But knowing what I know about the situation, I'm glad he's gone. I don't think the Broncos will be any better or worse without him.

Pizza Pizza. . . Pizza

So we've had this free medium pizza coupon from Domino's which has been burning a hole in our pockets for awhile. The other night we decided it was time to cash it in. But since pizza is one thing our kids will actually eat, we realized that one pizza would not suffice. I sort of figured a regular price Domino's medium pizza would be $7-10, and since there was a Little Caesar's close by, we decided to supplement with one of their $5 medium pizzas. The plan was to call in an order for a pepperoni to Domino's and then pick up a hot-n-ready sausage from Little Caesar's on the way. But the girl at Little Caesar's gave me a pepperoni, and then I couldn't remember if I had ordered sausage or pepperoni, so we wound up with two of the same. Sausage isn't that great anyways.

So we brought them both home. They were equally greasy, but as you can see, the Little Caesar's medium is slightly larger than the Domino's medium. But I was wrong on the price - the Domino's medium regular price was $4.99. So going to two different places was actually unnecessary. But that would not have permitted us to have a taste test. Elizabeth and I agreed that the Little Caesar's pizza was a little bit tastier. So even though it is more expensive by 1 penny, Little Caesar's offers a slightly bigger and slightly more tasty medium pepperoni pizza. And yes, our family did wolf down both pizzas in one night.

You Scream. . . I Scream for Vanilla Ice Cream

Vanilla ice cream is so great. I love it so much. You can keep your Chocolate, your Rocky Road, your Mint Chocolate Chip, your Neopolitan, your Tin Roof Sundae, your nuts, your hot fudge, your marachino cherries, your caramel. It's great just plain on a cone or in a bowl. But think of everything it goes great with - hot apple pie, brownies, as part of a cookie sandwich, or with a piece of chocolate cake. Nothing else works quite as well. I think it's also the best shake or malt flavor - pure vanilla - unsullied by brown chocolate or peanut buttter cups or cookie crumbs. Yum yum yum.

But sometimes I also like black cherry flavors or strawberry - as long as no nuts are involved whatsoever.

This post was not paid for by the Vanilla Ice Cream Makers Association.

Parking Protocol

I often look out window and find a red Toyota Tundra parked in front of our home. I wonder to myself who is here to visit us in such a shiny truck. Turns out - no one.

I believe it belongs to a gentleman caller of the daughter of our across-the-street neighbor. For some reason, he parks in front of our house and then crosses the street, even though there is available space in front of our neighbor's house. It's not like he's parking off to the side, either. He's directly in front of our house. I've noticed it four or five times. So far it is unclear to me why he does this.

When I drive my car to visit the homes of other people, I usually make every effort to park in front of their home - after all, that is who I'm visiting. If that's not possible and I have to park somewhere else, I usually choose a less conspicuous place such as in front of a fence or on the corner of the property. But maybe I'm just weird.

It doesn't bother me that he does this - it just puzzles me. Maybe it's because we're new to home ownership. We lived in a townhome community previously - and almost saw blood shed a couple of times over people parking in places that others did not approve of.