Season Cancelled

Today the Denver Broncos decided not to play the 2009 season.

"After careful thought and consultation with my associates, I have decided that the Broncos will not play this season," team owner Pat Bowlen said in a prepared statement. "It is obvious to everyone in the organization, myself included, that our schedule of games is far too difficult. We have no chance to make the playoffs - so we aren't even going to try. We will continue to practice and prepare for the 2010 season. With some luck, we will be given a schedule that will give us a better chance of success."

When pressed as to what prompted him to make the decision, Bowlen responded. "Well, the experts have convinced me that the greatest indicator of future success is your past success. And we have a lot of teams on our schedule who were good last year, so this means that they will be just as good this year, if not better."

Bowlen was asked which teams on the 2009 schedule he feared the most. "Well, for starters we have to play the Colts AND the Patriots. That's Peyton Manning AND Tom Brady. And the Colts won the Super Bowl in 2007 and the Patriots in 2005. So that means that they will probably both win the Super Bowl this year. I don't know if that has ever happened, two teams winning the Super Bowl, but I think this will be the year. I don't see either team losing a game."

Bowlen also expounded on the plan which he submitted to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, whereby the entire league would forfeit any game on their schedule against an NFC East opponent. The Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, and Redskins would only play each other. "Those teams are so great, so mighty, that really, no team is even deserving of being in the same stadium with them. So that really played into my decision to cancel the Broncos' season, because all four of those teams are on our 2009 schedule."

Commissioner Goodell, reached for comment, said that he really liked the idea. "I think we are headed for a new era in the NFL. I can see the day where the NFC East becomes its own conference, and the remaining 12 NFC teams are absorbed into the AFC. And then the 28 teams in the AFC will battle for the right, the honor, and the privilege to play one of these four exemplary organizations in the Super Bowl."