A Man, His Wife, and the Vacuum Salesman

Elizabeth dropped a bomb on me the other day when I came home: she had interacted with someone who wanted to send someone over to sell us a vacuum cleaner.

She said it was just for a demo and a short survey. But she knew, and I knew, that it was going to be a sales pitch. I'm really not in the mood for sales pitches. In the past year, I've had to beat off two timeshare vacation resort pitches, two window pitches, and a siding pitch. Only one of those was actually solicited by us, as in please come by and tell us about your product. The others were just people asking us to sit through their presentation - no pressure! You don't have to buy anything! Serious! We just want to tell you about our product!

So first of all, there wasn't a set time. We had pretty much forgotten about the possibility of a fun visitor and settled in to watch TV. And then the doorbell rings at 8:45, and it's Mr. Clean. I thought that was a bit late to be making sales calls without a set appointment. Back when I was a missionary and in the business of calling on people, we would generally not drop in on people after about 8:45 or so.

Then the guy butchers my last name, although that may have been as much the fault of whoever it was canvassing the neighborhood earlier. So we put our evening on hold for this guy and his short survey (not really, though - all parties to this knew exactly what was coming). So he hauls in a couple of large boxes and begins to tell us all about Silver King and their super-duper cleaner, the Blue Max.

I think our sales guy was a competitive speed talker before he got into vacuum sales. He literally flew through his little binder without taking more than a half-dozen breaths. I think he was just really excited to get onto the demonstration portion. He showed us all the bells and whistles and then asked to see our vacuum cleaner so that he could show us what a piece of crap it was compared to the Blue Max. And the point was well made - our well-used Hoover, of which we are the second owners, doesn't pick up nearly as much dirt and grime as the Blue Max. Big surprise.

I was impressed with the capabilities of the Blue Max, but I never had any intention of purchasing one. Not before, not during, not after. Would I like to have one? Absolutely! It really does a good job. But there is a long list of other things I would like to have for my home as well, and the Blue Max will just have to go on the list with everything else.

Apparently they are available from the factory at anytime for $3,200. The sales guy tried to get us to buy one on a payment plan which I calculated in my head to be about the same as from the factory. After I said no, he dropped the price. I said no again, and he dropped it again. In a matter of about 10 minutes, he reduced his offer by roughly $1,000. It pays to say no a couple of times, if you are planning to buy something like that. Sales guys are so weaselly like that.

I didn't really like our sales guy. One thing that bugs me is that they spout off a lot of stuff that may be true, but probably isn't. He claimed that Kirbys only have a 2-year warranty and that it is illegal to use a traditional upright vacuum in restaurants and hospitals. Sure it is, bud.

Anyways, we'll stick with our regular vacuum cleaner for now, which is suitable for 90% of all American households. (See, I did it - I just made that up! I could totally be in sales, if someday I am desperate enough to do that for a living.)

I did finally get to fill out the short survey, at the very end, after we had rejected him, and he stood there sulking and tapping his foot. It must be a tough existence to have to try and talk people into spending a wad of money that they don't even have.