Bronco Thoughts

So if you're a regular follower of my blog (and I'm not sure that there is anyone meeting that description), you might remember a couple of posts I made before the season outlining the best and worst case scenarios for the 2009 Denver Broncos. I had them pegged to finish somewhere between 4-12 and 9-7, and my gut feeling was that they would probably end up 8-8 like last season.

So they rushed out to a 6-0 start, and I thought that I had way underestimated them. And then they lost four straight and I realized that no, I hadn't. And so after today's last-second loss in Philadelphia, they are 8-7, lining up pretty much perfectly with where I thought they would be.

After they started 3-0, I did a post which maintained that all they needed to do over the difficult ten-game stretch in the middle of the season was go 5-5. With an 8-5 record, with home games to come against Oakland and Kansas City, they would be virtually assured of 10 wins, which would probably be enough for a playoff spot.

And they did exactly what I said they needed to do - they went 5-5. Of course, last week they blew the other part of the plan, by losing at home to Oakland.

And by also losing today, the Broncos no longer control their own destiny. Even if they win next week against the Chiefs, they will need other teams to lose in some combination in order to get a spot in the playoffs.

No matter what ends up happening, the real heart warming story has been Jay Cutler's horrible season in Chicago. He has a real chance to get to 30 interceptions this year! And the Bears have been bad enough that the Broncos (who picked up the Bears' 1st round pick next year in the trade) will probably have a top-10 draft choice next year! Some people say that it's not good to cheer for Jay Cutler to fail. And I agree. But it sure does make me glad when I read that he had another terrible game.

Peyday

A year ago, when the Broncos were in the midst of losing something like seven running backs to season-ending injury, Bronco Fan fell in love with a young man named Peyton Hillis. The rookie from Arkansas was picked in the 7th round of the 2008 draft. He found his way into the starting lineup due to all the injuries and compiled 343 yards rushing on 68 carries in six starts, which was good enough to lead the team last year. Eventually, Hillis suffered his own season-ending injury.

Bronco Fan called into the local radio station repeatedly, insisting the reason the Broncos finished the season poorly was the fact that Hillis was sidelined, and therefore not able to carry the Broncos to victory. Bronco Fan seemed to think that Hillis was the second coming of Terrell Davis, and was surely hoping that Pat Bowlen would waive the requirement that a player actually be retired before joining the team's Ring of Fame.

I thought with the new season and the fact that the Broncos added Correll Buckhalter in free agency and Knowshon Moreno in the first round of the 2009 draft would put an end to the idea that Peyton Hillis was the key cog to the Broncos' future.

Hillis hasn't played much on offense this year: merely 12 carries for 54 yards. But whenever the Broncos struggle, you start hearing Bronco Fan bringing up his name in the newspapers and on the radio. Why isn't he playing? Surely Hillis will succeed where Buckhalter and Moreno fail. Josh McDaniels must hate him.

And who knows? Bronco fan might be right. But considering that Moreno and Buckhalter have combined for over 1,400 yards rushing this year, it's hard to imagine Hillis making that big of a difference.

The real reason Bronco Fan loves Hillis? I believe it is because he is the successor to John Lynch (and before him, Ed McCaffrey), as Denver's Favorite White Bronco.

Firelight Trailer - Taylor Swift SNL

When Did it Turn?

So Bob Griese got suspended from ESPN for a week for joking on-air that driver Juan Pablo Montoya was having a taco. (Or something like that - I don't care enough to actually find out and retell the whole story. If you're really interested, I guess you could Google "Bob Griese + taco" and read for yourself.)

Everyone is so sensitive these days! Actually, I doubt that anyone at ESPN really cares that much what was said, but it's all about the almighty dollar and they don't want to lose any over a stupid ethnic food joke.

You go, Bob Griese! During your week off, why don't you go eat some (insert appropriate ethnic food for the Griese surname)!

But now to the main point of the article. I was listening to the radio on the way home and they were talking about the old days when kids would get their butts paddled at school. And these were guys 35-40 years old, reminiscing like it was their fondest memory.

"Yeah, and then they made me sign the paddle afterwards!"

"Yeah, one teacher knocked me out by hitting me on the side of the head with a book!"

It sure didn't seem like they were very scarred. I remember those days - not that I ever got paddled, because I was a good kid. But I believe there was some paddling going on - and I know teachers would always threaten such punishment. I remember an elementary school teacher throwing erasers at kids with big mouths. And it was okay - no one really gave it a second thought.

So when did things change? I'm seriously not that old. I was in junior high 20 years ago. But if any of this butt-paddling and eraser-throwing happened today, here is what would likely happen:

1) Teacher arrested
2) Teacher fired
3) A series of front-page newspaper articles about the teacher's criminal heart
4) Teacher is executed by gunfire at sundown

I'm sort of joking. And I'm not saying that teachers should be going around opening up a can of butt-whoop on every kid that steps out of line. I'm just wondering. . . what happened?

And more importantly, when did it happen? When did it become not okay? I'd like a specific year, please.

TuLong!

Clap clap, clap clap clap, clap clap clap clap, clap, clap. . . Tulo!

After Troy Tulowitzki struck out in the bottom of the ninth with men on base to end the Rockies' 2009 season, I was disappointed. I was disappointed that the season was over. But I was also relieved that I no longer had to invest my time in watching these marathon playoff baseball games. And trust me, I will waste little to no time watching the Yankees, Angels, Dodgers, and Phillies figure out who will win the 2009 World Series.

Sunday night's game in Denver started at 8:00. I quit watching shortly after 11:00 when the game was in the eighth inning. Although it was a tight game and I wanted to see who won, I had to go to class the next day and knew it would be a bad choice. And then last night's game - it started at 4:00 and ended around 7:45. So both games stretched well past the appropriate time limit for a sporting event - 3 hours.

Playoff baseball is completely ridiculous time-wise. If a runner gets on base, you are set for a 45-minute inning with the pitcher constantly stepping off the rubber, making throws over, the batter stepping out of the box, the catcher making a trip to the mound every other pitch. And then every batter works the count to 3 and 2 and fouls off 2 or 3 pitches. And then there are pitching changes, pinch hitters, and pitching changes in response to pinch hitters. And then to think, baseball is moving towards instant replay challenges! NOOOOOOO!

It's great theater, I suppose, IF YOU HAVE TIME TO WATCH ALL THAT CRAP! Which I don't know who does, unless you do sports for a living or are unemployed and single with no ambition.

This will never, ever, ever, in a million bajillion years happen, but I think baseball would benefit from some rule changes or else there might be no one left who wants to watch four-hour playoff baseball games in 20 years.

1) No batter gets to see more than eight pitches in an at bat. After eight pitches, if you haven't walked or struck out, YOU ARE OUT. No more of this endlessly fouling off pitches until you get one you like.

2) No more unlimited time-outs for hitters. Each batter can ask for time once per at-bat, or else he is charged with a strike. And that might be too generous.

3) No more unlimited mound visits for catchers. Currently, a manger/coach can only visit the mound once per pitcher per inning, or else the pitcher comes out, so there is some precedence for this. I was going to say one visit per hitter, but that's probably too generous. Three per inning might be more appropriate. The penalty would be that the pitcher would be charged with a ball.

4) I would also institute a "pitch clock" similar to a play clock or shot clock in football and basketball. They sort of have this in the rules, but I don't think it is too strictly enforced. I think they need an actual physical clock, which resets after the umpire's ball/strike count. I would think 15 seconds would be about right.

5) In conjunction with the previous suggestion, I think that the pitcher should only be allowed three pickoff moves per batter. The "pitch clock" would be reset after each pickoff throw. And after the three throws over, the advantage goes to the base stealer, who can no longer be held on base with endless throws over.

Again, none of this will ever happen, at least I don't forsee it. So why did I waste my time writing it? I guess to express my frustration with the length of these games.

Undefeated NFL Teams

So one of the national sports talk shows did a poll last week, and the question was, "Which is the best undefeated NFL team?"

And your Denver Broncos were not even offered as one of the choices!

There are currently seven undefeated teams in the NFL - six of them have been getting a lot of buzz in the media about how flippin' great they are - the Jets, the Ravens, the Colts, the Giants, the Vikings, and the Saints. And no one really even acknowledges that the Broncos are also undefeated.

I guess that's sort of understandable, what with the Jay Cutler saga. I mean, why didn't we just set Denver afire once he left town?

I think another reason is the perception that the Broncos haven't really played anybody yet. And when two of your wins are against the Raiders and the Browns, that is also understandable.

But check out the records of each undefeated team's opponents in 2009:

Baltimore Ravens 2-7
Indianapolis Colts 2-7
Denver Broncos 3-6
New York Jets 3-6
New York Giants 3-6
Minnesota Vikings 3-6
New Orleans Saints 4-5

So none of these teams have exactly played a rigorous early-season schedule.

Broncos - Road Ahead

Okay, never mind my post about the Rockies yesterday. Apparently the Braves just aren't up to it. The Rockies don't have it in the bag just yet, but it looks like we won't need a white-knuckle finish to the regular season this time around.

Let's talk about the Broncos. So I had no idea what to think of them going into this season. My range of expectation for this year was between 4 and 9 wins. Realistically, I thought they would probably finish 7-9 or 8-8. But there were definitely folks out there who thought the Broncos were headed straight for 1-15 or 3-13, who are probaly the same folks still wearing their Jay Cutler jerseys and refusing to use their season tickets until Josh McDaniels gets fired.

And yet, after three weeks of play, the Broncos are 3-0. The defense has only allowed 16 points and Kyle Orton has yet to throw an interception. Clearly, things will not be as bad as some had thought. But now we have the reverse problem of people getting too excited and talking about playoff runs.

The problem with getting too excited about the Broncos right now is the fact that they haven't exactly faced the stiffest competition. If the Raiders and Browns aren't the two worst teams in the NFL, then they are two of the worst. And as many have pointed out, they would have lost to the Bengals in the opener if not for the "Immaculate Deflection".

As any Bronco fan knows, we will find out over the next 11 weeks exactly how good the 2009 Broncos are. Here's what they are up against:

Dallas Cowboys - who have a lot of talent
New England Patriots - who worked the Broncos over in a Monday night game in 2008
San Diego Chargers (2 games) - who the Broncos have had little success in the recent past
Baltimore Ravens - who look like the early-season favorite in the AFC
Pittsburgh Steelers - who are the defending Super Bowl champs
Washington Redskins - who have nothing, but this will be a road game for the Broncos
New York Giants - who were the Super Bowl champs two years ago
Kansas City Chiefs - who play in Arrowhead Stadium, where the Broncos often struggle
Indianapolis Colts - who have a quarterback that the Broncos can't beat

So, yeah. Other than the Redskins, there probably isn't a game where you would think that the Broncos should win.

But will they go 1-9? I don't think so. In fact, I think it would be very reasonable to see the Broncos split these 10 games - 5 wins, 5 losses.

Five of these games are at home, and I think it is not out of the question that the Broncos could win three. Dallas is erratic - the Broncos could win this Sunday. The Broncos have always played well against the Patriots, except for last year's debacle, so it wouldn't be surprising if they won that one either. The Steelers aren't looking quite as strong this year, so there is a possibility for an upset there. And they'll get the Giants at home Thanksgiving night, so the home field/holiday advantage might help them there. They won't win all those games, but they could win three.

As for the road games, I think the Broncos could win two: against the Redskins and Chiefs. They usually don't play well in Kansas City, but the Chiefs look to be pretty atrocious this year (they even lost to the Raiders).

So if the Broncos do indeed go 5-5 over that stretch, their record would then be 8-5, and two of their final three games would be home dates against the Raiders and Chiefs. So then they would be looking at potentially a 10-6 record and possibly a wildcard spot.

Before this season, my position was that the Broncos would not make the playoffs this year. And I'm not really changing that now. I'm just saying, if they only win half of the games over this rough stretch, they will be in a fabulous position.

Must Sweep Beer Boys

Yesterday at this time, my feeling was pretty much that the Rockies needed to sweep the Milwaukee Brewers if they wanted to make the playoffs. And today, after the Rockies won and the Braves lost last night, I still kind of think they need to sweep the Brewers in order to avoid a play-in game with the Braves.

Say the Rockies don't sweep the Brewers, and head into the weekend with their magic number at 2. The Rockies are playing the Dodgers, who they apparently can't beat, and the Braves have the Washington Nationals, unquestionably the worst team in MLB. Will there be a combination of Rockies wins and Braves losses adding up to more than one in those circumstances? Hmmm. . . maybe, but to be on the safe side, they had better win all three against the Brewers at home.

The '09 Rockies seemed determined to make it as interesting as possible. There were people who called the wildcard for the Rockies on August 24, after Ryan Spilborghs' grand slam beat the Giants in the 14th inning. And yet, they let the Giants stay close for another four weeks. With the Giants finally vanquished, here are the Braves out of nowhere, poised to steal Colorado's spot in the playoffs unless they play good baseball this week.

But I Liked Captain Kangaroo

Quote from Bob Schaffer, chairman of the Colorado State Board of Education, on President Barack Obama's speech to schoolchildren on Tuesday:

"This was an arrogant abuse of power, an abuse of the executive office. Barack Obama should remember that he is commander in chief, not Captain Kangaroo."

Everybody Wants a Thrill

So the wife was at quilt night and I was left at home flipping through lame summer programming. I wound up on what was apparently the pilot episode of "Glee" on FOX, which made me think, "Hasn't the High School Musical phenomenon died out by now?" Apparently, it hasn't. But I digress.

The episode climaxes with the kids performing an over-the-top version of "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey to an empty auditorium. We discussed this in the morning - what is the deal with that song? Why is it making a huge comeback?

When we were on the Pioneer Trek this summer, the youths would break out in song from time to time on the trail. One of their selections was - you guessed it - "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. My first thought was - I didn't know that our pioneer ancestors were familiar with Steve Perry. But he is just old enough that they very well might have been.

The song came out in 1981 - so it's even slightly before my time. And yet, here were teenagers in 2009 belting out the lyrics like we were on some sort of wilderness American Idol. The equivalent for me, as a teenager, would have been walking around with my friends belting out one of the top hits of 1956, such as "Love Me Tender." Which didn't happen.

Anyways, I happened to spot an entire article on the internet that same day which explored the resurgence of this song. So apparently we haven't been the only ones wondering about this.

Worst Case Scenario - 2009 Broncos

1. The Broncos bumble through the entire season, going something like 4-12, which would be their worst showing since 1982.

2. Kyle Orton and Chris Simms get about the same amount of playing time, and by the end of the year, Bronco fan is convinced that Tom Brandstater is as good as any other QB the Broncos have.

3. Peyton Hillis once again leads the Broncos in rushing with 377 yards for the season.

4. Brandon Marshall and the Broncos extend their standoff throughout the entire season.

5. The defense allows over 400 points for the season once again, and there is talk of Mike Nolan being fired.

6. Robert Ayers proves to be the second coming of Jarvis Moss, and Bronco fan is horrified to realize that Josh McDaniels traded away the #5 overall pick in the 2010 draft for the right to draft Alphonso Smith in the second round in 2009.

7. Josh McDaniels officially changes his name to Josh McBelichick and trades Champ Bailey to Kansas City for Matt Cassel.

8. The Bears go 12-4, win the NFC North, and advance to the Super Bowl. Jay Cutler is the NFC Pro Bowl starter at quarterback.

9. Mike Shanahan decides to take another year off and continues to be a drain on Pat Bowlen's bank account.

10. Shannon Sharpe falls short of admission to the Hall of Fame for the second year in a row. Dick LeBeau makes it as a senior committee candidate, but Floyd Little is denied.

That would be a pretty bleak season. But you have to ask yourself - which is more realistic, the best case or the worst case?

Best Case Scenario - 2009 Broncos

So I've been pondering the upcoming football season. I'm not quite sure how the Broncos are going to do. But I think it's either going to be a) bad or b) not quite as bad as people thought. Even though I wrote the previous tongue-in-cheek post about the schedule, I'm pretty sure this won't be a season to remember, given everything that has transpired over the past 9 months.

So here is what I think is the best case scenario for the 2009 Broncos:

1. The Broncos finish up on a bit of a win streak, but fall short of the playoffs at 9-7.

2. Kyle Orton passes for something like 3,200 yards and 22 touchdowns and is consistent enough to keep the number of Denver-based Chris Simms enthusiasts relatively low.

3. Knowshon Moreno rushes for 1,200 yards and proves himself to be worth the #12 overall pick.

4. Brandon Marshall stops acting like a BM at some point during the season.

5. The defense manages to hold the opposition to under 350 points for the season and ensures that the Broncos will make it through one offseason without firing their defensive coordinator.

6. Defensive rookies Robert Ayers and Alphonso Smith show flashes of stardom.

7. Josh McDaniels realizes at some point during the season that he doesn't work for Bill Belichick anymore.

8. The Bears go 7-9, miss the playoffs. Jay Cutler throws a lot of TD passes, but just as many interceptions.

9. Mike Shanahan takes a coaching job with another NFL team so that Pat Bowlen gets out of paying his salary.

10. Shannon Sharpe and Floyd Little are both elected to the Hall of Fame class of 2010, which will take a bit of the sting out of this whole McDaniels/Cutler saga and give Broncos fans something to be happy about.

The next post will be a worst case scenario.

Which Game Did I Attend?

So with pennant fever again descending upon the Rocky Mountains, I decided this past weekend was the perfect chance to open up the old wallet and partake of the hometown Colorado Rockies hosting the San Francisco Giants, who are currently battling the Rockies for the lead in the National League wildcard race.

I haven't been to a Rockies game in more than two years. The cost is usually enough to keep me away. It's pretty hard to keep it cheap. I decided to partake of Wells Fargo's offer on 2-for-1 club level seating, getting two tickets for $50. And they were good seats. I don't know that they were worth $50, but they were definitely worth $25. But then there was the stupid online "convenience" fee of $8.50. And then there is the transportation. We took light rail, and even with my son's ticket being only half-price, it was still $10.50. We tried to go cheap on the food, bringing our own snacks and drinks, and paying only for our cheeseburger and Rockie Dog (which was so not worth it). That's another $12. And I bought I game program and scorecard for $5. So that's $86. I suppose there are worse deals you could find for $86. I can't imagine how entire families can afford to go to a game together.

And so which of the games in the four game series do you think we had the privilege of attending?

A. A high-scoring affair which featured the Rockies coming from behind, featuring a seven-run inning, which resulted in a 14-11 victory.

B. A fourteen-inning thriller which remained deadlocked at 1-1 for much of the game and was filled with numerous strategic moves and injured players coming off the bench to contribute, until the Giants broke through with three runs in the top of the 14th. No worries, though, as the home team was victorious thanks to a game-ending grand slam in the bottom of the 14th.

C. A duel between two of the top National League pitchers, in which the Rockies prevailed when my namesake crushed a home run into the second deck in right field off of the starting pitcher from this year's NL All-Star team.

D. A humdrum game which saw the Rockies fall behind 3-0 in the first inning and never quite recover. The home team strikes out 12 times, commits three errors, and seems to ground into inning-ending double plays whenever they get a rally started.

If you guessed "D", then you are absolutely right! You're tonight's winner!

Just my luck. Oh, well, it was still a fun trip. We'll see if I make it back to Coors Field before 2011.

Season Cancelled

Today the Denver Broncos decided not to play the 2009 season.

"After careful thought and consultation with my associates, I have decided that the Broncos will not play this season," team owner Pat Bowlen said in a prepared statement. "It is obvious to everyone in the organization, myself included, that our schedule of games is far too difficult. We have no chance to make the playoffs - so we aren't even going to try. We will continue to practice and prepare for the 2010 season. With some luck, we will be given a schedule that will give us a better chance of success."

When pressed as to what prompted him to make the decision, Bowlen responded. "Well, the experts have convinced me that the greatest indicator of future success is your past success. And we have a lot of teams on our schedule who were good last year, so this means that they will be just as good this year, if not better."

Bowlen was asked which teams on the 2009 schedule he feared the most. "Well, for starters we have to play the Colts AND the Patriots. That's Peyton Manning AND Tom Brady. And the Colts won the Super Bowl in 2007 and the Patriots in 2005. So that means that they will probably both win the Super Bowl this year. I don't know if that has ever happened, two teams winning the Super Bowl, but I think this will be the year. I don't see either team losing a game."

Bowlen also expounded on the plan which he submitted to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, whereby the entire league would forfeit any game on their schedule against an NFC East opponent. The Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, and Redskins would only play each other. "Those teams are so great, so mighty, that really, no team is even deserving of being in the same stadium with them. So that really played into my decision to cancel the Broncos' season, because all four of those teams are on our 2009 schedule."

Commissioner Goodell, reached for comment, said that he really liked the idea. "I think we are headed for a new era in the NFL. I can see the day where the NFC East becomes its own conference, and the remaining 12 NFC teams are absorbed into the AFC. And then the 28 teams in the AFC will battle for the right, the honor, and the privilege to play one of these four exemplary organizations in the Super Bowl."

Spiritual Thought on Real Estate

I never before had seen this condemnation of townhouse developers in the scriptures:

"Wo unto them that join house to house, till there can be no place, that they may be placed alone in the midst of the earth!" (2 Nephi 15:8)

The Lion, the Witch, and the Obama

I recently was gone on a Pioneer Trek for four days. It was kind of nice to be shut off from the world for a brief period of time. No newspapers, no internet, no cell phones, no podcasts, no TV, no radio.

I was a bit curious if anything big had happened newswise. Well, I guess not! Because pretty much what everything was talking about when we returned was the whole story with Cambridge, Massachusetts police sgt. James Crowley (the Lion) and Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. (the Witch).

If you haven't heard what happened, I ask if you have been living on a space satellite. I don't know if I've read a full news account of this story, but as far as I know, the Witch broke into his own house. Some lady called the cops. The Lion shows up and tells the Witch that he's gonna need to see some ID. The Witch has some contentious words for the Lion. The Lion arrests the Witch.

If you can believe this, the Lion and the Witch are of different races. Here. In America. In 2009! Who woulda thunk it! What has the world come to!

And anytime people of different races have a disagreement, there is only one possible explanation. One, or the other, or both, is racist. There is just simply no other conceivable reason that two people of different races would not see eye to eye. Even the lady who called the cops is a racist. Which she probably is. I mean, whenever I see white people breaking into houses, I just let it go.

That brings us to the Obama. As if he wasn't busy enough seizing private companies or nationalizing health care, he felt the need to get involved in local law enforcement by saying that the police had "acted stupidly." But I guess he felt obligated since he is a black man who went to Harvard. I'm sure that if Mitt Romney were president, he totally would have the back of any BYU professor who was arrested by a Latino cop in Provo.

Which, shockingly, didn't go over really well. Could it be that the Obama, he of the golden tongue, spoke out of turn?

So the Obama decides to smooth things over by having the Lion and the Witch down to D.C. for a tour of his pad and a few brews. And so, the "Beer Summit" was born. I'm not sure what the point of this activity was or why everyone was so excited about it. I mean, in the Denver Post, on the day of the summit, they had a full-color front page spread detailing the exact brand of beer that each man was going to drink at the White House. That seemed to be a little much.

Anyways, I'm not sure if I accomplished anything in my retelling of the classic tale of The Lion, the Witch, and the Obama. But it felt good to get it out. And it feels good knowing that should I have any trouble with local police that perhaps the Obama would talk some junk on my behalf and then fly me out to socialize with the officer who accosted me.

Tales from Cherry Creek

Sometimes I can't think of anything to blog about. The solution? Pick up the newspaper and read about some of the insanity going on in the world.

In the July 19 edition of The Denver Post, columnist Penny Parker tells a tale of restaurant dress codes in richie Cherry Creek. Scott Coors, a member of the Coors brewing family, was headed to dine at some place called Houston's (never heard of it) with his "partner", Dr. Dave Hurt. At first I was unsure if Parker meant his business parter or. . . well, you know.

Anyways, they were not allowed a table by the restaurant hostess because the Dr. was wearing a sleeveless button down shirt. They asked for the manager, who was apparently some sort of pal of theirs (again, Parker didn't say what kind of pal), who backed his hostess and kicked the dynamic duo out of the restaurant.

So Coors apparently texted his pal PP at the Post to vent his anger about his partner being humiliated by Houston's. (I'm surprised it took the restaurant to humiliate him - I would have thought stepping out of the house would have done it.) He also thought it was gender discrimination because women could get in wearing no sleeves. And so they're not ever going back to Houston's and blah blah blah.

I applaud the restaurant for not allowing the Dr. in wearing a sleeveless button down shirt. Heck, if I was managing a Sizzler's I would not have given him a table. Tank tops are one thing, but sleeveless button down? That's just creepy. He was lucky they didn't call the police.

I don't think it was gender discrimination. It's socially acceptable for women to have bare arms, just as it is acceptable for them to wear skirts. It's not so for men, unless you're on an island somewhere. But it might very well have been weirdo discrimination.

And as far as what kind of partners these two were - I think the sleeveless button down shirt answers that question.

BIG LOTS! of dvds

Big Lots! has a sale this week of various TV show box sets for $6. Normally, I don't really go to Big Lots! but we couldn't resist checking this out. Our haul:

The Dukes of Hazzard, season 2
The Dukes of Hazzard, season 4
The Dukes of Hazzard, season 5 (the infamous Coy and Vance season)
The Dukes of Hazzard, season 6
The O.C., season 2
NFL Films, Inside the Vault, volumes 1-3

There were some others there at the time - Dallas, and season 1 of Night Court, but we passed on those. So we acquired many Big Nights! of Big Entertainment! for under $40. I imagine the original retail price of those sets was probably $200 total. Not bad.

Green State Tax Evaluation

We have a client that files a tax return in 38 states. I was curious while preparing this 900+ page monster - which states require the wasting of the most paper in order to file a return? So when I finally got around to organizing the return for our files, I decided to actually count the number of pages per state.

This client has multiple shareholders, so the result might be slightly different if it were a company with fewer shareholders - since some states have you put all the shareholder information on one page and others have a separate page for each shareholder. And I don't believe that the amount of business activity in the state affects the size of the return too much - some of the biggest wasters were states in which there was little to no activity.

With those qualifiers in place, here are the results:

LEAST GREEN STATES

1. California (52 pages)

2. Massachusetts (38)

3. Indiana (35)

3. Kentucky (35)

5. Illinois (34)



MOST GREEN STATES

1. Georgia (6)

1. Texas (6)

3. Montana (7)

4. Maine (9)

4. New Mexico (9)

4. Tennessee (9)

Why the Colorado Rockies are Lame

I was frustrated with the Rockies earlier this year. I seriously wanted them to just move the team somewhere else and then burn Coors Field to the ground and pretend the whole major league baseball in Denver thing never happened.

Then they finally set fire to something - Clint Hurdle's managerial job. And the Rockies went on their June tear, winning 21 of 25 games at one point - and presto, they are now back in the running for the playoffs. Only they are still 9 games behind the Dodgers in the NL West, so it is unlikely that they will win the division. So they are competing with a slew of other teams for the NL wildcard. Everyone seems to agree that the Rockies don't have enough to earn playing time in October as presently constituted.

This past week the Toronto Blue Jays said their ace pitcher, Roy Halladay, was available for trade. If you're not familiar with the guy, he is a six-time All-Star who won the 2003 Cy Young Award. His record is 74-30 over the past five years. And. . . he's a Colorado native. He pitched for Arvada West High School.

So, I, like many other like-minded fans, immediately thought this would be perfect for the Rockies. An ace pitcher comes home to help the local team make a run back to the World Series. It's sort of the baseball version of the Chauncey Billups story. Maybe Roy Halladay would even decide to wear #7 for his first start and John Elway would come to throw out the first pitch.

So will the Rockies do it? Nope. No one is even talking about them doing it. Except for local talk radio pundits who mostly talk about how stupid the Rockies are for not doing it. It's similar to the "will they sign Matt Holliday?" debate - you already know that they won't do anything, so what is the debate? So Halladay (almost the same name, but different guy) will end up with the Phillies or Angels or on any contending team that doesn't wear purple pinstripes.

It's not like the Rockies don't have players to trade. They've been crapping their pants for two years trying to figure out what to do with two third basemen - the incumbent Garrett Atkins and the prospect Ian Stewart. Now, they've apparently decided that since Atkins is struggling at the plate this year he is therefore only good to be traded for a relief pitcher. I say keep Atkins, and trade Stewart as part of a deal to get Halladay.

Of course, just Stewart wouldn't be enough. But I suppose the Rockies could throw in an outfielder since they have four guys to play two outfield spots - Carlos Gonzalez, Dexter Fowler, Ryan Spilborghs, and Seth Smith. And then let the Blue Jays pick a couple of pitchers from the farm system - because chances are whatever pitching prospects the Rockies have will not grow up to have stellar careers in Denver anyways.

But the Rockies won't do it. They won't even think about doing it. It goes against their mission statement, which is to consistently win 75 games per year.

Maybe we should go back to that burning Coors Field to the ground idea. . .

The object of the Rockies' desire. . . not

Methinks

Methinks Brandon Marshall would have a better chance of getting his desired contract extension from the Denver Broncos if he could go a full calendar year without getting in trouble with the law and/or shredding his arm in a TV set.

The Broncos need Marshall in order to be successful, yet why make a commitment to someone that you can't trust to be on the field?

What Gives? or The Times, They are a Changin'

As a kid, I played little league. I also went to birthday parties. And later on, I did graduate from high school.

My kids go to birthday parties. And they play little league or other kid sports. And we have just passed graduation season. I've noticed that things don't seem to be the same.

It seems that a typical birthday party nowadays requires that the host(ess) provide some sort of gift bag filled with goodies comparable in quality to what you might find at an Oriental Trading Co. clearance sale. Hey, we do it too whenever we throw a b-day party for the kiddies. . . I'm just saying that I never remember getting or giving any parting gift when I was jamming on the birthday party circuit back in the 1980's. I'm just wondering who invented this tradition and how it became birthday law.

My kids aren't quite as sporty as I am - my son played soccer when he was four and HATED it. It was soccer, so I can't totally blame him. My daughter is currently playing t-ball. One thing I've noticed in both cases is the overabundance of snacks. There is a snack after every practice and every game. The parents of team members take turns bringing the snacks week after week.

I played five years of little league and can never remember having a team-organized snack. Not after practice, not after games. I don't even remember being provided with water. It was a long time ago, so maybe I'm mistaken, but it seems like if you required sustenance after the game, your parents were stopping at the Loaf and Jug on the way home.

I can remember one time - one of the moms told us that if we won our game, she would buy us all a pop. At the time, this seemed incredibly generous - wow, a pop! However, in the context of 2009, it seems rather stingy - "I'll give you a snack, alright - but only if you win your &*^%$ baseball game!"

I guess we were just tougher in those days. If we got hungry at practice, we ate gravel or a piece of our shirt. And then at the games, we would just eat the other team.

I suppose the snack concept was invented around the same time as the concept of a "soccer mom". I'm not sure if this might be one of those chicken-or-the-egg dilemmas.

Lastly, what is the deal with graduation parties? A couple of weeks ago one of my co-workers spent the entire weekend going around to about a half-dozen celebrations. I'm quite certain that these didn't exist when I graduated high school. I didn't have one - other than maybe some relatives having some grub over at the house. And I'm not even sure I had that much. And none of my friends had a party. At least, not that I was invited to. I don't even think I knew graduation parties existed at the time. But it seems pretty commonplace now to open up the house to everyone you've ever known.

No one ever threw a party for me! And I've been the good guy!!!!

Time to Laugh

She hasn't posted much lately, but neither have I. Here is another classic from one of my favorite blogs:

http://ericasmusings.blogspot.com/2009/05/e-disharmony.html

Broncos - Ranking Drafts of the Nineties

Okay, to start off this post, I'd like to share an e-mail from one of my loyal readers.

"Come on, man! It's been 48 hours. When do we get your ranking of the other Broncos' drafts?"

-Phil, Ireland, KY

Alright, so I made that up. There is no Phil and there is no Ireland, Kentucky. And no one actually cares what I think about past Bronco drafts. But it is fun for me, so I'm going to tell you what I think about how the Broncos drafted in the 1990s.

Drafts in the 1990s are actually not completely comparable with drafts in the 1980s. Starting in 1993, the 12-round draft went to 8 rounds, and then down to 7 the following year.

1. 1994 - As I said in my previous post, any time you obtain a Hall of Fame player, it was a good draft. Before the 1993 season, the Broncos traded their #1 pick in 1994 to Minnesota for Gary Zimmerman, who played five years and is now a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. So that deal alone was enough to make this a success. But the Broncos spent one of three seventh round picks on Tom Nalen, who manned the center position for well over a decade and will someday be a candidate for the Hall of Fame. They also spent their #2 pick on Allen Aldridge, who started for their 1997 Super Bowl team and another one of their seventh round choices on Keith Burns, who played for the Broncos for years. And as an added bonus, the Broncos signed an undrafted rookie free agent named Rod Smith after this draft. Another guy who will be a candidate for the Hall of Fame. Clearly the best Broncos' draft of the 1990s - and it is all thanks to Wade Phillips.

2. 1995 - Mike Shanahan's first draft. Although by the time he arrived on the scene, the Broncos had traded away the first three picks already. Which given Shanahan's draft record, might have been a good thing. The second-round pick was also included in the Gary Zimmerman deal. And as I've explained above, any time you get five years of a Hall of Fame player out of a draft, it's a draft WIN. But the real story of this draft came in the sixth round, when the Broncos picked a running back named Terrell Davis - who only went on to win Super Bowl MVP and NFL MVP. He may not make the Hall of Fame due to the brevity of his career, but he was a Hall of Fame talent.

3. 1990 - The Broncos surrendered their first round pick in this draft to pick Bobby Humphrey in the supplemental draft a year earlier. He was a good use of the pick, giving them two 1,000 yard rushing seasons before he held out for more money and was traded away. The star of this draft, however, came in the seventh round - Shannon Sharpe, who will someday soon be in the Hall of Fame.

4. 1998 - I'd have to go with the 1998 draft as the fourth best of the 1990s. Trevor Pryce was the first round pick - he turned into a four-time Pro Bowler with the Broncos. The Broncos gave up their second rounder to get veteran Tony Jones. He started on both Super Bowl teams and started for four years to finish out his career with the Broncos. The Broncos spent their third rounder (and sixth and seventh, to move up in the third) to select Dan Neil, who was a seven-year starter.

5. 1999 - The Broncos picked Al Wilson with the final pick of the first round. He played eight seasons in Denver and made five Pro Bowls. Nothing else big though. Olandis Gary was a fourth-rounder this year, and he had the one 1,000 yard season. The Broncos picked several players who went on to have productive careers in this draft - just not in Denver. Montae Reagor, David Bowens, Billy Miller & Desmond Clark are in that group.

6. 1996 - The Broncos picked John Mobley - who was All-Pro in 1997 and started on both Super Bowl teams. Tory James, Darrius Johnson, and Detron Smith were other players selected in this draft who spent a few years in Denver.

7. 1991 - The Broncos had the #4 overall pick this year. Too bad it was not an especially strong draft. They picked Mike Croel, who was the AFC Defensive Rookie of the Year with 10 sacks, but didn't do much after that and lasted only four years in Denver. Greg Lewis (5th rd), Derek Russell (4th rd), and Kenny Walker (8th rd) were guys who made brief contributions to the Broncos. They picked Keith Traylor in the third round. He later started for their Super Bowl teams, but only after leaving Denver and coming back after playing for the Chiefs.

8. 1993 - Probably the star of this draft was Jason Elam, who was their third round pick. He was their kicker for 15 years. Other than him, though, there wasn't much. Dan Williams was the #11 overall pick, but he didn't do anything until he left Denver for the Chiefs. Glyn Milburn (2nd rd) played three years for the Broncos.

9. 1998 - Not a good draft coming off their first Super Bowl victory. Marcus Nash was their first round pick and a complete bust. They did get Brian Griese in the third round, who became the successor to John Elway, and was the starting QB for four years. But we know how that ended. Eric Brown (2nd rd) and Trey Teague (7th rd) had short careers with the Broncos.

10. 1992 - Maybe the most inexplicable draft selection in Broncos history - Tommy Maddox. John Elway was only 31 years old at the time and coming off a year in which the Broncos just missed another Super Bowl trip. But Dan Reeves was apparently fixated on replacing Elway, if not sooner, then later. Of course we know how the story ends. Reeves is fired after the 1992 season and Maddox winds up in New York with him a few years later. Elway stays in Denver and wins two Super Bowls. So maybe everything worked out for the best, but it might have been nice to have Carl Pickens and his 540 career receptions instead of Maddox. And it wasn't just Maddox - the Broncos pretty much got nothing out of this draft other than four years of Shane Dronett, their second round pick.

Broncos - Ranking Drafts of the Eighties

So the NFL draft is over for another year. I always find it amusing when people try to "grade" a draft immediately after it takes place - sure, it's fun, but no one knows how things are actually going to turn out. Most people hate what Josh McDaniels and the Broncos did in the draft. Some of their moves were perplexing, but who really knows how things will turn out?

You need to wait at least five years before you have a real idea of how a team did. Some time ago I did an analysis of past Broncos drafts - and I'm just now getting around to sharing the results with the rest of the free world. In this post, I am ranking the 10 drafts of the 1980's.

1. 1983 - The Broncos gave up Chris Hinton, who they had selected #4 overall, to obtain John Elway, the #1 overall choice that year. Acquiring a future Hall of Famer who would go on to lead the team to five Super Bowls and two championships is plenty to make this the best Broncos draft of the 1980s. But the Broncos also selected Gary Kubiak in the 8th round, who was a reliable backup QB for 9 years and went on to become the Broncos offensive coordinator. In the 12th round, the Broncos picked Karl Mecklenburg, who is a member of the Broncos' Ring of Fame. Mark Cooper, Clint Sampson, and Walt Bowyer were other draft choices who played a few years in Denver.

2. 1984 - The Broncos also gave up their #1 pick in 1984 in the Elway trade. Anytime you get a future Hall of Famer, your draft grade is automatically an A. But the Broncos also selected numerous players this year who contributed for several years - Clarence Kay (7th rd) and Randy Robbins (4th rd) played 9 seasons in Denver and Andre Townsend (2nd rd) played 7 years with the Broncos. Gene Lang (11th rd) and Tony Lilly (4th rd) each played 4 years. Not a bad draft haul.

3. 1980 - The Broncos traded their 1st and 2nd round selections to the New York Jets for QB Matt Robinson, who threw for 2 touchdowns and 12 interceptions during his one season in Denver. So the draft was a bust, right? Actually, the Broncos did quite well. They selected Rulon Jones (2nd rd) and Keith Bishop (6th rd), who each went on to become two-time Pro Bowlers with the Broncos. They also picked up Mike Harden (5th rd), who intercepted 33 passes in 9 years with the Broncos.

4. 1981 - The Broncos selected Dennis Smith with their first round selection. He played 14 years and is a member of the team's Ring of Fame. In the 5th round, they selected Ken Lanier, who played 13 seasons in Denver.

5. 1985 - The Broncos selected Steve Sewell in the first round. He was nothing special, but did play for 7 years. In the second round, the Broncos picked up Vance Johnson, who was Elway's favorite target before the days of Shannon Sharpe. Also in the second round, they picked Simon Fletcher, who became the team's all-time sack leader.

6. 1989 - After a bad 1988 season, the Broncos had the 13th overall pick. They actually traded down in the first round and wound up with Steve Atwater - who played on both Super Bowl teams and is in the Ring of Fame. They didn't get much else out of this draft, however. Doug Widell and Warren Powers, both second-round picks, played a few seasons.

7. 1987 - The Broncos picked up Ricky Nattiel in the first round. He had one good year and scored Denver's only touchdown in SB 22. Other than that, he didn't do much. The Broncos did get Tyrone Braxton in the 12th round. He played several years in Denver and started on both Super Bowl teams. They also picked Michael Brooks, a LB who made a Pro Bowl and had a few good seasons with the Broncos.

8. 1982 - The Broncos used their #1 pick on Gerald Willhite, who stuck around for several years but was never very remarkable. They picked up a better running back in the 5th round - Sammy Winder, who had a 1,000 yard season, made a Pro Bowl, and played 9 years in Denver.

9. 1986 - The Broncos traded their first, second, and third round picks to acquire Ricky Hunley and Mark Haynes. Each only played four seasons in Denver. Hunley started on the 1986 & 1987 Super Bowl teams but was hardly worth the package of picks the Broncos gave up to get him. Haynes was an All-Pro before coming to Denver, but he wasn't good enough to start on the 1986 or 1989 Super Bowl teams. The picks the Broncos gave up became Tim McGee, David Fulcher, and Pepper Johnson, each of whom enjoyed good careers with other teams. The Broncos did get Mark Jackson (5th rd), who did catch the touchdown pass to finish "The Drive", but not much else.

10. 1988 - Without question, this was the worst Broncos draft of the 1980s. They used their #1 pick on Ted Gregory, who was traded to New Orleans before the season even started. They traded three picks to move up and select Gerald Perry in the second round - he lasted three seasons before being traded to the Rams for Gaston Green, who had a 1,000 yard season as a Bronco. But that was pretty much all they got out of this draft. And it's not like this was a weak draft - future Pro Bowlers who were picked among the 18 selections between Gregory and Perry - Chris Spielman, Ken Norton Jr., Eric Allen, Jumbo Elliott, Thurman Thomas, Dermontti Dawson, and Pierce Holt. What a waste.

Learn Something New

They say you should read the scriptures over and over because you can learn something new each time.

I believe the same applies to watching the same movies repeatedly. Just when you thought there was nothing new to be gleaned from the nth viewing of the 1983 classic film Mr. Mom:

In the opening scene, Carolyn comes in to wake up Jack. I don't know if I ever before caught that she tells him that his shower is ready. So the water is just running and running while he pulls himself out of bed and gets to the bathroom. And then there is another scene at the end where Jack is standing in the bathroom while the shower just runs and runs while the mirror fogs up. The Butlers were not very green. This type of wastefulness would not fly in 2009.

On Carolyn's first day of work, she comes out sporting a nice professional outfit. One of her accessories is a HUGE digital watch.

I never picked up on this before, but the movie actually reveals the timeline of the story - it takes place over the course of three months. How do I know this? At the beginning, Jack is telling the lineworkers not to worry about the Lions because it's still the preseason - which would put the beginning of the film in August. And then the climactic scenes take place as Carolyn flies off to California on Halloween night.

Not Applying Myself - Continued

So I did hear back from NASBA - but it wasn't good news. They said that North Carolina had transferred only one of my scores. I had not known this because I had to leave the envelope sealed to send it to them. So I was all worried that I was going to end up having to retake that section of the exam. (Goodbye, post-tax season bliss!)

Fortunately, though, the helpful NASBA girl contacted me to let me know that she had contacted North Carolina and they had hosed up the transfer. So I should be in the clear - until something else turns out to be wrong or missing.

Opening Day

Today is opening day in baseball. I haven't cared about opening day for many, many years - and haven't cared that much about any of the other days, either.

(I've got Rockies-Dbacks on the office radio right now - the Rockies just gave up a home run to the first batter of the season. Another great season of baseball in the Mile High City on the way!)

The reason I haven't cared? Overemphasis on the Yankees, Red Sox, Cubs, Cardinals, Mets. I hate all those teams - yet they always do well because the economic cards are stacked in their favor. I miss the days when you had the KC Royals winning a World Series, and then the Minnesota Twins winning two World Series in five years, and the Oakland A's and Cincinnati Reds also claiming late 80's/early 90's championships. Maybe we are headed back in the right direction with last year's Philadelphia/Tampa Bay World Series.

But my pledge for this summer is to try and care a little bit.

Not about the Rockies, though. I'll probably follow them some because it is unavoidable living in Denver. But I've never been passionate about the Rockies.

I am also going to try and follow my favorite team when I was a youth - the Cincinnati Reds. That is something I haven't been doing, I guess because like the Rockies, for the most part the Reds have not been competitive in years.

More on this train of thought the next time I get a chance to write.

Not Applying Myself

I'm not good at applying for things. I'm really not. I don't know why - I'm usually pretty conscientious and thorough. But I've had some terrible luck over the years.

Almost eight years ago, I applied for the accounting program at BYU. It took them about three days to reject my application - not because I had poor grades - but because I had taken too many of the wrong kind of class. Totally blindsided me. I had no idea. So I didn't get my accounting degree from BYU.

A little over four years ago, I applied for a Masters of Accounting program at the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill. They lost my GMAT scores and didn't really seem to care one way or the other if they ever found them. They may have just "lost" them in the trash can for all I know. That worked out okay because I wound up at North Carolina State which is a much better school anyways.

My current problem is getting a CPA license. I passed my last CPA exam over a year ago. I was a bit slack and didn't actually get my application in until last November. There's this place in Nashville - NASBA (National Association of State Boards of Accountancy) - and they handle processing the applications for Colorado.

Two months after I send my application in, I get a call from this lady there who says there is something wrong with my application and I needed to call her back. I had not been in the office, so it was a couple of days, but I did get back to her - but by then she had totally forgotten what was wrong with my application and said she would call me back and let me know. (Which she never did.)

So then this other, more helpful girl called me and filled me in. I hadn't properly transferred my scores from North Carolina. (Never mind that I had tried numerous times to find out exactly what I needed to do in order to transfer my scores - with no luck.) So I finally got the transfer thing from North Carolina and sent it to Nashville and so far I've heard nothing back from them.

Hopefully everything gets resolved and I don't have to reapply and pay another exorbitant fee for them to diddle around with my stuff for three months. Does it work like this for everyone else? Why do I have such a terrible time with applications?

He's Gone

Wow. . . so within 90 minutes of my last post, the Broncos announced that they traded Jay Cutler to the Bears. I wasn't expecting it to go down quite that fast.

I'm so glad the kid is gone from here. And not solely because of the childish kid-stuff garbage of the last month.

I never liked him in the first place. Seriously, I didn't. It was kind of a moral dilemma for me personally. I want to root for my favorite NFL team, but that also means rooting for their starting quarterback - who kinda bugged me for reasons that I could never quite put my finger on.

So now I am relieved of all that. I think I can manage rooting for Kyle Orton.

And what about Jay's agent, Bus Cook? He sounds like a real first-rate doofwad. He has presided over consecutive offseason quarterback soap operas - last year, of course, being the Brett Favre edition.

Someone, somewhere, is writing a screenplay based upon the events of the past thirty-five days. When this is released, it will be entitled, "He's Just Not That Into You." And it could be told from either perspective, is the great thing.

The Broncos got a pretty good haul - I think. In addition to Kyle Orton, they obtained two first round picks and a third-rounder. Of course, if the players they pick all turn out to be duds, it won't be a good haul. But hopefully they get a couple of guys who are 10-year starters.

So it's good that Mike Shanahan is not still around or he would be trying to bring in Michael Vick or putting together a package of high draft choices to move up in the fourth round and snag the latest talent with a troubled past on the cheap.

Bowlen for Quarterbacks: The 7-10 Split

So Pat Bowlen finally stepped in and said they WILL trade Jay Cutler. At least that ends the will-they-or-won't they debate that would have gone on for several more weeks.

My #1 scenario for Jay Cutler: Detroit. The Lions have been consistent losers for the past 50 years and show no signs of turning things around. Now that the Cardinals have started making Super Bowl runs, the Lions are without question the worst franchise in the NFL. So, good luck with that, Jay. And you get to play in Detroit, where the unemployment rate is 20%. So if your whiny act got old here, imagine how it will go over in Detroit. The Lions have 5 draft picks to offer in the top 100 of the upcoming NFL draft: #1, #20, #33, #65, #82. I know the Broncos don't want the #1 pick, but I'd trade Cutler for #20 and #33 if they also throw in a 2009 Ford Focus.

My #2 scenario for Jay Cutler: Cleveland. The Browns haven't been competitive for 50 years, either, except for that brief stretch in the 1980s when they lost three AFC championships to the Broncos. So this is another great place for Cutler. Losing franchise, bad weather, hardscrabble fans. There has been a lot of talk about the Broncos trading Cutler for Brady Quinn - which might be okay. The Broncos still get a young "franchise" quarterback. Quinn is still unproven as an NFL quarterback - but maybe he is a little more likeable.

I've heard the Cutler-for-Tony Romo trade, which sounds interesting but probably won't happen. I don't think the Broncos would want to throw in an extra draft pick to also acquire Jessica Simpson.

I hope they don't get too hung up on getting a quarterback in return. The only way to turn this lemon into lemonade is to get a load of young, talented players in return, regardless of what position. So just sign Jeff Garcia to play for a couple of years or maybe Josh McDaniels knows some other guys who didn't play in college but are basically the second coming of Tom Brady.

Josh McDaniels is also basically a fool for starting this whole mess. There probably won't be a mention made of him this year that does not include the phrase, "trading Jay Cutler." He'll have that hanging over him for his entire stay in Denver, unless, of course, he gets the Broncos to the Super Bowl. I think Pat Bowlen started him out on the Mike Shanahan plan, but now he has been downgraded to the Wade Phillips plan. If he isn't winning playoff games within two years, he is done.

On second thought, maybe they just should have kept Mike Shanahan. . .

True Story

I filled out my office bracket the night before it was due. I had Missouri going all the way to the championship. I slept on it, and then decided that was stupid. So I switched the pick to Memphis and put Memphis all the way to the championship. I felt pretty good about my decision, especially after listening to everyone heap praise upon Memphis for a solid week. So imagine my dismay when Missouri whipped Memphis the other night. Paired with my bad Wake Forest pick, the left side (Midwest/West) of my bracket is now officially done. However, I'm still in good shape on the right (East/South), having picked all four of the final 8 teams on that side correctly.

The real star of the show, however, is Elizabeth, who had kind of a mediocre bracket for the first two rounds but then successfully picked 7 of the final 8 teams. Maybe next year I will have her fill out my office bracket. . .

Moral of the story - sleeping on it doesn't help when it comes to filling out brackets.

Second Round

I did pretty well on my bracket for the second round: 13-of-16 in both brackets. Sounds impressive, until you consider that if you had gone with a lazy approach and simply filled out your brackets according to seed, you would have gone 14-of-16 in the second round. All 13 of my correct 13 picks were seeded to reach the second week of the tournament.

Brackets Take a Hit. . .

Not a real stellar first round for me. I was 22-of-32 on my home bracket and 21-of-32 on my office bracket. The big hit came on my office bracket, where I picked Wake Forest to the Final Four. Nice work, Demon Deacs. At least I wasn't like my co-worker who picked Wake to go all the way. . .

Picks. . .

On day one of the tournament, I went 11-for-16 on both of my brackets - one home, one work. Not bad, not bad. I didn't lose any of my Final Four teams, so I'm still in good shape.

So far today, I'm 3-for-3 on my office bracket, so I'm feeling pretty good. . .

I Knew I Shouldn't Have Done it. . . But I Did

On my bracket, I put BYU down to win their first-round matchup with Texas A&M. I knew it was the wrong choice. I even looked it up - BYU hasn't won a NCAA tournament game since 1993. They've lost in the first round in each of their last six appearances.

But I figured, hey, I went to school there, and they've got to win one of these years, right? Besides, isn't Texas A&M a football school.

Make that seven straight first-round NCAA tournament exits , after Texas A&M easily beat them 79-66 today.

Counterpoint: Jay Cutler

On the other hand, if he is going to be a jerk about the whole thing, the Broncos should go ahead and trade his sloppy mop head so he can be Captain Grumpy Pants somewhere else. I say if they can get a mid-first round pick for him, do the deal. I can live with Jeff Garcia or Chris Simms as the quarterback for now - it's not like the Broncos were going to the playoffs next year anyways.

Meanwhile, in the far reaches of Idaho, in between handball matches and making out with his ex-Broncos cheerleader wife, Jake Plummer has to be laughing his head off.

Jay Cutler: What Do I Think?

Maybe local sports media people got together and paid someone to start this trade rumor and the resulting Jay Cutler/Josh McDaniels tiff. Because it sure has given them something to talk about all week. And I do mean ALL week.

The question about weather the alleged trade would have been a good one can be resolved by a simple six month test. As in, six months ago (September 2008), would the Broncos have traded Jay Cutler for Matt Cassel?

The answer, of course, is no. No, no, and double no. No way.

So what changed in six months? Matt Cassel played pretty decently during the second half of the season as the quarterback of a team that played in four Super Bowls in seven years - but did not make the playoffs. And then his mentor, Josh McDaniels, was hired as Broncos coach and apparently decided Cassel would continue to prosper under his tutelage.

We can also answer the question by applying another test - which I call the Bubby Brister test. As you might remember, John Elway missed several games during the 1998 season - the year of the Broncos' second Super Bowl triumph. Bubby Brister stepped in and looked pretty good as the quarterback for a few weeks - in fact, he went 4-0 as a starter.

He did so well that he became the starter after Elway retired - up until it was time for the first regular season game, when Mike Shanahan woke up and said, "Wait a minute, this is the same Bubby Brister who used to be a mediocre QB for the Steelers! I've been tricked! Give me Brian Griese!" I predict a similar fate for the KC Chiefs. One day they'll realize - "Hey! This is the same Matt Cassel who didn't even start in college! You've tricked us, Bill Belichick!"

I would also like to apply the gift horse test - as in the gift horse of the 2006 draft. Cutler was the third QB taken - Vince Young and Matt Leinart didn't even start for their teams last year. So it's not that easy to find a Pro Bowl quarterback - they sort of lucked out to get Cutler in the first place.

And last of all, let us apply the John Elway test. I've been following the Broncos since 1984, so I remember back when Elway was the same age. He was immature, he made a lot of mistakes, he threw a lot of interceptions, and everyone wondered if he would ever realize his potential. A lot of Broncos fans don't have a memory that goes back before 1997, though. They think Elway won 16 Super Bowls in 16 seasons, I think. But there were the 14 years of frustration and failure.

So, no, I don't think trading Jay Cutler is a real good idea. But I also didn't think hiring Josh McDaniels as head coach was a real good idea, either.

Armchair Quarterback/Coach/General Manager/Owner

I don't work in professional football. But sometimes I wonder what the guys who do are thinking. Usually, my thought is, "Well, they are the one with the expertise, so I guess they know what they are doing."

A few examples of times when I have had that thought, as pertaining to the hometown Denver Broncos:

2001 - The Broncos spent their #1 pick on Willie Middlebrooks, a defensive back from Minnesota. A read of his profile was rather underwhelming, so one was left to wonder what exactly they were thinking. And as it turned out, he did not have much of a pro career.

2006 - The Broncos are on their way to a fourth consecutive playoff appearance when Mike Shanahan benches Jake Plummer in favor of rookie QB Jay Cutler. The Broncos win only 2 of their final 5 games, miss the playoffs, and don't appear to be on the verge of returning anytime soon. Trading a playoff bid in order to break in a rookie QB made no sense to me.

2007 - The Broncos trade up in the first round of the draft to select a skinny defensive end named Jarvis Moss. I thought that selecting him was fine, but trading up for a player who was a little bit of a "project" as a 245 pound defensive lineman? A little bit puzzling. If you're trading up, I think the guy needs to be pretty solid. And after two seasons, Moss has produced almost nothing. Additionally, the Broncos traded a couple more picks later on to get Marcus Thomas in the fourth round. At least he is a starter, but still - they only got four players out of the 2007 draft and that probably has at least a little to do with why they haven't been very good.

2009 - I was okay with the Broncos canning Mike Shanahan. It was probably time to part company. But I admit that my initial reaction to the hiring of Josh McDaniel as head coach was "Oh, no, not him." He was way down my list of the prospective coaches. Like, at the bottom. But I figured that Pat Bowlen must have seen something in the guy - after all, I was not invited to sit in on the interviews, so what do I know? Time will tell how McDaniel will work out as the head coach.

My feeling is that maybe he makes it three years. The Broncos are so bad on defense that no one should be allowed to even say the words "Super Bowl" around here before the calendar turns to 2011. And I see that they are doing the same old yearly defensive patch-up that they always do - this time starring Brian Dawkins as the aging Pro Bowl safety who energizes the fans until they realize that time travel isn't possible. And Joshie Mac will probably have to rebuild the offense at the same time he is rebuilding the defense, since Brandon Marshall can't keep his nose clean (and people wonder how Denver managed to get him in the 4th round of the draft) and the starting QB is now alienated because Joshie Mac tried to trade him and then lied about it. Fun times!

Rocky is Dead

Shock of shocks, The Rocky Mountain News published its final edition on Friday. No one saw that coming!

I'm a little bit glad for selfish reasons. As a subscriber to The Denver Post, I will no longer have the Rocky foisted upon me Saturday morning because that is what was dictated by the two papers' joint operating agreement. I can now get the Post every day, which is what I paid for.

A lot of people are upset by the demise of the Rocky. And that's fine, but I never really developed an attachment to it. Growing up, if I ever read a Denver paper, it was usually the Post. The Rocky was more of a novelty - sometimes it was fun to read one because of the wacky tabloid format.

Other people are gleeful that the Rocky is done and desperately want to see the Post die as well - because they are both worthless liberal rags. I don't completely understand that perspective - I guess because I almost never read the editorials. I don't "take the paper" so I can get informed about world and national news.

My #1 reason for "taking the paper" is the sports section. Another reason I prefer the Post is that its sports page is, in my opinion, far superior to the one found in the Rocky. Unless you're into big-city prep sports, which I'm kinda not. On Sunday, I'll generally read the sports first and then the business section. I'll probably look through the Denver & The West section as well. Sometimes there might be an interesting article in the front section - but generally that is filled with furniture and mattress ads anyways.

I guess my main point is that I'll still keep taking the paper despite the political views of whoever prints it. I like walking out to get the paper in the morning, even if I only have 5 or 10 minutes at breakfast to glance through it. I don't like reading news on the computer that much unless I'm bored at work (which I haven't been and won't be for another couple of months). So I hope they don't die off completely.

Digital TV Conversion: It's the Bomb!!!

I had the bar set pretty low for my digital TV conversion. I waited and waited to buy the box and then I waited and waited to actually hook it up - moving that entertainment center away from the wall just didn't seem worth it. But the other night I actually had a free half-hour at home when the baby wasn't needing to be held and all the kids were in bed and Elizabeth was out. So I decided to go for it.

Previously, we received about 10 channels analog on our $10 rabbit ears from Target. A couple came in pretty good if the antenna was set right - KUSA-9 and KWGN-7. Denver's CBS affiliate, KCNC-4, could get no better than fuzzy even if you spent 15 minutes tweaking the rabbit ears. That pretty much ended my fandom of Survivor and gave me another reason to avoid Broncos games (besides their awful play of the past two years). And KWGN-2 usually didn't come in at all unless the weather conditions outside were just right.

I really didn't expect much to change with the installation of the converter box. The way everyone talked, the only difference was going to be that your TV wouldn't go black when they finally turned off the analog signals (if the Democrats ever let them). I thought it would still be crappy reception - maybe slightly less crappy if we were lucky.

So it's quite a set up - rabbit ears hooked into the converter box, converter box to the VCR, VCR to the TV. But one it was done - WOW! Suddenly all the channels were crystal clear! (Or as crystal as you can get with rabbit ears and an 8-year old TV). Once again I could behold Jeff Probst's handsome studliness in all of its glory. Although Channel 4 seems prone to that weird digital twitching all the time. And I could even watch Channel 2 - not that there is anything on there, but still. And also, there were several bonus channels! Some sort of weather channel, a couple more PBS-related channels, maybe even an extra Spanish channel!

I think what my oldest son said upon seeing our new reception was, "Oh, we have THIS kind of TV now."

Dead Season is Near

I haven't been blogging much lately. Sometimes I read about something that I want to blog about, but then I never get around to it and then the time is past.

Work is real busy now, it being tax season aka "busy season." Only two more months! But I refuse to be one of those people who is all, "I'm SO busy at work right now I can't even properly groom myself." If you don't have to work on Sundays and don't have to, then don't. No client is going to die if you don't get something finished.

I actually sort of enjoy work right now. There is plenty of stuff to do and it is usually interesting. The main problem is that there is just so much of it. In about six weeks things will start to get really old, though, when everything else is more or less finished and all there is to do is crank out 1040s. I wish there was a way to divide work out more evenly throughout the year. During the summer there is not nearly as much to do and it is usually not that interesting: auditing 401(k) plans and trying to finish the 1040s of people who aren't going to give you the rest of their stuff until October 10 anyways. But that's the way it works so I guess I'll just enjoy being busy for another couple of months before dead season is upon us.

My Pick

I'd like to see the Arizona Cardinals win, but I don't think they will. Waaaaaaaaay too many people are on the Cardinals bandwagon. They were 9-7 during the regular season, folks. Remember that?

They are a little bit like the Colorado Rockies of 2007. They went on a huge hot streak to make the World Series, but then they had something like 10 days off, and they really cooled off and wound up getting pounded in Game 1 and then went on to get swept.

So the Cardinals have looked pretty good for three weeks straight, but now they've had a couple of weeks to soak in all the love. Will they be able to keep it together for one more game?

I'm kind of doubting it. My pick is Steelers 27, Cardinals 18.

But you never know. . .

You've GOT to be kidding me

Shannon Sharpe was not selected to the Hall of Fame in his first year of eligiblity. I don't even know if it is worthwhile to rant and rave about it.

In one way, I can kind of understand where the voters are coming from. I mean, how can you have a Hall of Fame without Ralph Wilson Jr., the owner of the Buffalo Bills? He's contributed so much owning a franchise that has sucked for the past 40 years except for the four-year stretch when the Bills lost four Super Bowls in a row. Actually, he's probably contributed more than that I just have no clue what.

Until yesterday, I had never really contemplated the idea that Shannon Sharpe would not be voted in this year. I mean, eight Pro Bowls, four times first-team All-Pro, three Super Bowl rings, and he retired as the all-time leader in receptions and yardage for a tight end. Pretty good career.

But last night I was reading the Denver Post and began to feel a little doubt. Bruce Smith and Rod Woodson were sure to be voted in. Randall McDaniel and Cris Carter also seemed likely selections, which supposedly left the fifth and final spot up for grabs between Derrick Thomas and Sharpe. Whaaaat?

So, sure enough, Thomas beat out Sharpe. Cris Carter, the no. 2 all-time in receptions, was also snubbed, I guess in favor of Ralph Wilson Jr.

I've given up trying to understand the process. The voters are obviously all biased idiots. The supposed reason none of the stars from the Broncos' Orange Crush defense of the 1970's were not selected to the Hall of Fame was because they won no Super Bowls. The Steelers of the seventies, on the other hand, won four Super Bowls, so basically their whole team gets in.

And so now you have Shannon Sharpe and his three Super Bowl rings, and he can't get in.

Bruce Smith - played in four Super Bowls, won zero.
Ralph Wilson Jr. - his team played in four Super Bowls, won zero.
Rod Woodson - played in two Super Bowls, won one.
Randall McDaniel - played in zero Super Bowls
Derrick Thomas - played in zero Super Bowls.
Bob Hayes - played in two Super Bowls, won one.

So Shannon Sharpe has more championships than all of the guys that were selected, and yet that's still not good enough. I guess it's not about winning Super Bowls after all.

I'm sure he'll get in next year. . . maybe.

Things That Annoy

I heard that the Senate voted to extend the digital TV conversion until June and that the House is expected to also approve it.

I think that doing so is totally stupid. They've only been talking about this, for what, a year? Anyone who seriously cares about watching TV after February 17 has already taken care of the problem. But I guess we need to give everyone else more time NOT to do something about it. It's sort of like tax day, April 15. Everyone gets automatic six-month extensions, and so most people don't worry about filing until at least five months later. Or in some cases, until five months and 27 days later.

I say stick with the drop-dead February date. When their TV goes black, then they'll go out and buy the converter box for sure. I bought mine, although I haven't hooked it up yet. Who are all these people anyway? I thought we were one of only 772 remaining U.S. households without cable or satellite.

Also, perhaps you have heard the recent story of a high school girls team in Dallas that ran up the score on their opponent, winning 100-0. They were shooting threes and applying full-court pressure well into the second half of the game. So then the principal of the winning team wanted to forfeit afterwards because it wasn't winning honorably or something, and I think they fired the coach.

I saw it in the newspaper and then heard about it on all three talk radio stations that I listen to. I'm not surprised that it caught on, because it appeals to exactly what Americans love to do: point out when someone has done something bad, because they live such a perfect life.

I was sick of hearing about it within the first hour, and they are still talking about it two weeks later. My whole thing is this: Who cares? It's a small private high school in another state. I doubt that the running up of the score really affects anyone other than the players and the coaches who were actually in the game. So shutup about it already! No one cares what you think about proper sportsmanship! At least I don't.

I would have prefered that they not forfeit the game and keep their 100-point victory. Those things have a way of working out in the end. For instance, last year the New England Patriots felt it was necessary to run up the score on everybody and then failed to win the Super Bowl despite their 18-0 record.

A Man, His Wife, and the Vacuum Salesman

Elizabeth dropped a bomb on me the other day when I came home: she had interacted with someone who wanted to send someone over to sell us a vacuum cleaner.

She said it was just for a demo and a short survey. But she knew, and I knew, that it was going to be a sales pitch. I'm really not in the mood for sales pitches. In the past year, I've had to beat off two timeshare vacation resort pitches, two window pitches, and a siding pitch. Only one of those was actually solicited by us, as in please come by and tell us about your product. The others were just people asking us to sit through their presentation - no pressure! You don't have to buy anything! Serious! We just want to tell you about our product!

So first of all, there wasn't a set time. We had pretty much forgotten about the possibility of a fun visitor and settled in to watch TV. And then the doorbell rings at 8:45, and it's Mr. Clean. I thought that was a bit late to be making sales calls without a set appointment. Back when I was a missionary and in the business of calling on people, we would generally not drop in on people after about 8:45 or so.

Then the guy butchers my last name, although that may have been as much the fault of whoever it was canvassing the neighborhood earlier. So we put our evening on hold for this guy and his short survey (not really, though - all parties to this knew exactly what was coming). So he hauls in a couple of large boxes and begins to tell us all about Silver King and their super-duper cleaner, the Blue Max.

I think our sales guy was a competitive speed talker before he got into vacuum sales. He literally flew through his little binder without taking more than a half-dozen breaths. I think he was just really excited to get onto the demonstration portion. He showed us all the bells and whistles and then asked to see our vacuum cleaner so that he could show us what a piece of crap it was compared to the Blue Max. And the point was well made - our well-used Hoover, of which we are the second owners, doesn't pick up nearly as much dirt and grime as the Blue Max. Big surprise.

I was impressed with the capabilities of the Blue Max, but I never had any intention of purchasing one. Not before, not during, not after. Would I like to have one? Absolutely! It really does a good job. But there is a long list of other things I would like to have for my home as well, and the Blue Max will just have to go on the list with everything else.

Apparently they are available from the factory at anytime for $3,200. The sales guy tried to get us to buy one on a payment plan which I calculated in my head to be about the same as from the factory. After I said no, he dropped the price. I said no again, and he dropped it again. In a matter of about 10 minutes, he reduced his offer by roughly $1,000. It pays to say no a couple of times, if you are planning to buy something like that. Sales guys are so weaselly like that.

I didn't really like our sales guy. One thing that bugs me is that they spout off a lot of stuff that may be true, but probably isn't. He claimed that Kirbys only have a 2-year warranty and that it is illegal to use a traditional upright vacuum in restaurants and hospitals. Sure it is, bud.

Anyways, we'll stick with our regular vacuum cleaner for now, which is suitable for 90% of all American households. (See, I did it - I just made that up! I could totally be in sales, if someday I am desperate enough to do that for a living.)

I did finally get to fill out the short survey, at the very end, after we had rejected him, and he stood there sulking and tapping his foot. It must be a tough existence to have to try and talk people into spending a wad of money that they don't even have.

Inauguration Day

I was always under the impression that no man knoweth the time of the Second Coming. And yet, here it is, today, the twentieth of January, two thousand and nine.

Kidding. But some of the comments that people are making might lead you to believe it.

I have a confession. I didn't vote for B. Obama. Nope, I sure didn't.

However, I would like to give him my best wishes for the next four years. Maybe he really does have some answers for what ails this great country of ours.

But, much like Josh McDaniels being the new coach of the Broncos, we won't know how things are going to turn out right away. We'll just have to wait and see how he does. Maybe he'll be great and maybe he'll be a disaster. We just don't know.

Pinewood Derby Prep

I'm pretty indifferent about the Pinewood Derby. I didn't care that much when I was a Cub Scout, and I don't care much more now that my son is in Cub Scouts. I mean, I don't hate it, but I'm not one of those dads out in the garage plotting how to build the best car. Or one of the dads writing a book or creating a website on how to best win the Pinewood Derby. My boy probably deserves better, but that's just me - I can't help it. I'm an accountant, not an engineer. Someday when he needs help balancing his checkbook, though. . .

Anyways, he got his car at the last pack meeting in November and has asked a couple of times since then, "When are we going to build the Pinewood Derby car, dad?"

"Uhhh. . ."

So I told him probably Christmas break. And so, today, very nearly the end of Christmas break, we finally pulled it out and started the process. I don't really have any woodworking equipment to speak of, so that makes it a little tougher. Not that I'm a woodworker by any means. We made the cuts using a jigsaw and I demonstrated some unsafe woodworking procedures to my son. The car came out a little chawed up, but that's what sandpaper is for, right? Actually, some of the chaws might be a little much for sandpaper to correct.

I will say this - so far, the car looks as if he did all of the work himself.